In Matthew 22, Jesus finds himself in two conversations with three rival Jewish groups. The Pharisees and Herodians bring up the issue of God and government. Jesus provides clarity on the subject with His eminently quotable phrase, “Give, then, to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” Next, the Sadducees bring up the topic of marriage and eternity. Jesus likewise responds with a comment that seems to leave them speechless due to their cultural assumptions about the reality of the matter:
You are mistaken because you don’t know the Scriptures or the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like angels in heaven — Matthew 22:29-30 (CSB).
Singleness before God
The gathered crowds were astonished at Jesus’ ability to skillfully answer the rival Jewish groups with such confidence and authority on the matter. It had never occurred to many of them that marriage was a temporary arrangement and singleness before God is the eternal reality for resurrection people.
Although this idea was foreign to many in the crowd, it was not foreign to Jesus’ disciples. In Matthew 19, Jesus has a related conversation with his disciples about the subject of divorce and marriage, in which Jesus reminds them that God hates divorce. His disciples respond in verse 10, “If the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it’s better not to marry.” Jesus concludes, “Not everyone can accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given.” Over and again, Jesus, a single person, reminds us that singleness is the default state of being for humanity and in many cases one that is preferable to marriage.
Single: Paul’s definition
When he wrote his letter to the church in Corinth, Greece, in the 50s AD, the apostle Paul addressed a culture much like our own. Corinth was a fast-growing metropolis in a geographically and financially advantageous part of the world, populated by single men looking to get rich quickly and make a name for themselves in the Roman Empire, and marked by a great diversity of marital status, religious worldview and cultural values. Paul was ministering to and writing to a diverse audience that had substantial questions about the implications of following Jesus, among them how one should approach sexuality, marriage and community.
In the seventh chapter of his first letter to the Corinthian church, Paul wrote on the issue of singleness and marriage: “I wish that all people were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that. I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am.” (1 Corinthians 7:17)
Paul’s teaching on singleness and marriage is remarkable for several reasons. First, Paul offers a straightforward definition of single without ambiguity or a conflation of ideas: A single person is one who is not married and who is celibate. Second, Paul subcategorizes singles in a way that would make even our government proud.
Singles include unmarried people and widows and likely allows for separated or divorced people. Finally, Paul describes singleness as a gift, something to be received and celebrated as good. Paul’s definition of singleness is good news for all of us who want to live and speak with clarity about singleness. A single person who is unmarried and living a life of celibacy is a gift to both society and the Church and is choosing a good life.
Single: Celibate, not abstinent
Keep in mind that Paul’s definition places emphasis on celibacy and not abstinence. While these terms are often used interchangeably in religious circles, there is a significant difference between the two. Abstinence is a temporary refraining from sexual activity. But abstinence also carries an implied or stated expiration date in mind with the intention to enter into sexual activity at some point in the future. Celibacy, on the other hand, is viewed as a more permanent commitment not to participate in sex or marriage, motivated in part by spiritual formation and personal choice.
When Paul says that being single is good, he is not expressly making a statement about abstinence. It is one thing to practice abstinence for the short term so that marriage and sex later will not be spoiled. This is a True Love Waits view of singleness, and one that many young single adults tend to presume is the normal course of life. But take note that Paul does not suggest that singleness is about delayed gratification so that human flourishing can occur later in the Christian life. Paul sees singleness as a way to flourish now without any promise of sexual gratification occurring later. Paul sees both marriage and singleness as worthy and equal Christian pursuits. For the record, Jesus seems to teach the same.
In case Paul’s meaning is unclear, he reiterates this idea in verse 17, “Let each one live his life in the situation the Lord assigned when God called him.” For Paul, singleness is a good thing. Christians should not try to talk single people out of their singleness. Instead, single people should remain in their singleness as Paul models for us.
I wish more churches would live out the teachings of Jesus and Paul — that singleness is a good thing, that the single life can be one of flourishing and that single friends are a gift to us all.
EDITOR’S NOTE — This article was written by Doug Hankins, pastor of First Baptist Church Winter Park, Florida.
