Sexual abuse, pornography addiction and human trafficking have become hot topics in both the secular and religious worlds.
The recent trial and conviction of Joshua Duggar, oldest son of the Duggars of “19 Kids and Counting” TV show fame, have led to even more questions about how to fight the issues.
For more than 20 years, accountability programs like Covenant Eyes have been what many utilize to keep families safe and help those who struggle.
Covenant Eyes
The idea began shortly after Ron DeHaas, president and co-founder of Covenant Eyes, first got internet service in 1999. He was concerned about his two teenage son’s online safety.
“In this day and age, you know you have to use the internet, right? And so what am I going to do? There were filters and the filters didn’t work to begin with. And if anything, they can actually create a challenge to a teenage boy to try to get around it … . I wanted a report.
“And so in March of 2000, a young man and I started Covenant Eyes. I learned that it was possible to monitor where we go on the internet, and he made it happen.”
After asking pollster George Barna to include 517 long-time Covenant Eyes users as part of 2,518 surveyed in Barna’s report, “The Porn Phenomenon,” DeHaas said, “I have evidence that my instincts were correct — accountability works.”
The poll compared Covenant Eyes participants with those who don’t use accountability software on questions like, “Is porn good or bad for society?” and “How often do adults seek out porn?” When asked, “Accountability: Does anyone help you avoid porn?” DeHaas cited that Covenant Eyes participants ranked higher than others polled.
A 2014 USA Today Tech article stated, “Most of Covenant Eyes’ customers are families. But an overlapping 40% are ‘men who want accountability for themselves,’” DeHaas said, “‘recognizing that, even if they don’t have a problem, there’s still a temptation out there and they don’t want the temptation.’”
Not foolproof
Though Covenant Eyes can help those struggling with pornography, cases such as Duggar’s show that accountability software isn’t foolproof.
No program is.
Software might be incompatible with smart TVs, gaming consoles and certain hardware; some read explicit stories the program doesn’t detect. If someone wants to access porn, he could use friends’ phones or computers.
Evidence in Duggar’s trial revealed another way to circumvent barriers.
In a May 2021 blog, Rachael Denhollander, author, speaker and advocate for survivors of abuse, said, “[Josh Duggar] was able to view those images even though he had a program like Covenant Eyes on his computer, because he downloaded special software that allowed him to bypass it … . Not only did he have software that allowed him to bypass the program, he had partitioned hard drives and browsers to access the dark web. This wasn’t an accident. This was planned, premeditated and probably going on for a long time.”
Only part of the solution
John D*, who struggled with pornography for 32 years before finding success eight years ago, said, “Perhaps if someone is not an addict, Covenant Eyes may be helpful. I don’t fit into that subset of people who are ‘normal’ and don’t believe Covenant Eyes would have prevented me from acting out.
“Even if my acting out was specifically and exclusively with online porn,” he continued, “the knowledge that a report would be sent to my wife or sponsor or accountability partner or whomever, that might make me avoid online porn, which would just lead me to another way to act out. [It] wouldn’t stop me.”
Accountability
In a Covenant Eyes’ blog, “Why Some Accountability Partners Don’t Work for Porn Addicts,” Mark Brouwer, pastor and workshop presenter, admitted accountability is “overrated” and can be used in recovery, but only later in the process.
“Most of the men I work with have a long history of failed attempts at overcoming sexual temptation,” he said. “A common strategy for people in churches is to have an accountability partner.
“I have nothing against accountability partners … they just don’t work,” Brouwer declared.
Shame and isolation
Citing shame and isolation as major components of sexual struggles, he said what’s needed most is friendship and support, not confrontation. In fact, “accountability confrontations can wind up heightening strugglers’ sense of shame and reinforcing their tendency to keep their struggles secret.”
“In that dark place, how will sexual strugglers respond to accountability partners who confront them? They will probably be contrite and humble at first — after all, they are struggling with feelings of shame and unworthiness. But nine times out of 10,” Brouwer said, “what happens next is that the sexual struggler will find ways of drifting away from that accountability relationship. He or she will be evasive, dishonest or (more likely) too busy and unavailable to meet.
“In the absence of a program of recovery that offers positive steps to bring change into the struggler’s life, accountability actually makes things worse,” Brouwer asserted. “Sexual strugglers need groups to support them, a program of recovery to change them, and friends to accept and love them. After that, accountability partners can be added to the equation to help the struggler stay on track.”
Combination approach
Though accountability software shouldn’t be the only tool for overcoming sexual struggles, it can help along with other methods of recovery.
In his 19-year fight for recovery, Thomas P* tried accountability software and partners, promises to himself, mentors, research about the subject, self-harm, “so much” praying, counseling and recovery groups.
“[Covenant Eyes] is a great idea,” he said. “It helps to slow the gut reaction to go somewhere I shouldn’t and in my right mind don’t want to go. Over the years it’s gotten better about removing loopholes that I (in my insanity) would search for.
“That’s part of the problem,” Thomas continued. “I can now say that I am an addict, and an addict’s brain doesn’t think rationally/sanely when the addiction takes hold. In these moments, my experience has been to search for loopholes — gaps or oversight in the programming — so that I can act out.
“If I’m in a really bad way, I’ve ignored my conscience that says, ‘Hey, your accountability partner is going to find out.’ I’ve responded with, ‘So be it.’”
It finally took a combination of therapy, a support group and accountability software for him to gain freedom.
“I definitely wouldn’t say everything is all sunshine and rainbows,” Thomas acknowledged. “But I’m learning and growing and finding recovery. It’s taken the grace of God, through all of my experiences, especially in my recovery group and in counseling, with the support of my wife, that has helped me see hope.”
(*Full names withheld)
