Over the last few years, there has been a slow attendance shift in the seats and pews of our churches. You may have already recognized it in the sea of faces in your congregation on an average Sunday morning.
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There’s a greater number of men walking through the doors of our local churches looking for hope and guidance to biblically process the events of the world that stand before them. Few experts would have predicted this data point a decade ago.
Yet, as the latest Barna data reports, since the pandemic, there has been a growing gender gap and now 25-year reversal of more men attending church than women, a trajectory which has continued into this year. Though we don’t yet know all the reasons more men are coming to church, such a situation is an unmistakable opportunity for pastors to invest, meet with, and pour into these men.
Your conversations can help both explain the “why” behind each man’s decision to walk into your church — on a local level — as well as spur you on to consider what God may be asking you to do to better equip these men to faithfully represent Christ and lead their homes in this modern world.
As you sit down with these men, don’t be afraid to lean in — asking the right, but often hard, questions while pointing them in the right direction.
5 questions
Every man has his own story. Use one or all of these questions to help lead the conversation to deeper waters as you seek to connect with, encourage and point him in the right direction with his next steps.
Many times, I find asking any one of these questions will naturally set the trajectory of the conversation toward each of these various topics. So don’t feel like you must hit these in order.
1. What’s your story of faith and experience of the church?
Some of these men are prodigal sons returning home after a long season of waywardness, while others are entirely new to Christianity (and their answers will reflect such). I typically lead with this question, as many men are open about where they currently stand with their faith and their experience, whether positive or negative, with the church.
2. If you take a step back and look at your life, what’s bringing you the most joy and fulfillment?
This question aims to draw out the values, priorities and longings in each man’s heart.
3. Do you have other guys you’re doing life with?
In an era of loneliness, this question cuts to the heart of why so many men are walking into the church. This can also be a pivot point in the conversation to ask if they’ve ever been in a men’s group and their experience of such.
4. What does life look like for you on an average week, at home and work?
Many men are caught in the rat race of life, overworked and undervaluing their own needs and health (spiritually, physically, emotionally). Some seasons are just busy between family, sports and activities, but we can’t overlook this part of the conversation. Many single men may place work-life higher than relational fulfillment, which will come with consequences down the line.
6. Is there anything you’re struggling with that we could help navigate together?
While this may sound blunt, many men appreciate the straight talk. This expectation of openness goes a long way with men who are longing for the Spirit to transform their lives. It’s also a demonstration that you care enough to challenge them to become who God has called them to be and who their family and friends need around them.
3 ways to help
Men are searching for a place to belong and be poured into. The question is how will we, as leaders and pastors in the local church, foster the right culture, programs, and opportunities for them to grow as faithful men?
As you navigate the many conversations with these men, always leave them with a next step in the right direction.
1. Connect them into a men’s group.
If you don’t currently have men’s groups or a men’s ministry, make sure to work through the new digital (and free) Lifeway Men’s Tool Kit. Building a discipleship culture for men at your church matters — now, and for the future health of your church.
2. Offer a mentor to sit with him.
As more men are seeking to be equipped to lead and serve their families in this culture, building a team of mentors (or coaches) can be a great, intentional next step. Think about 10 guys in your church who could be on call for coffees or a meal when you need them. Ideally, these mentors would also be the leaders of the men’s groups.
3. Plug him into a similar life-stage small group.
Even if your church is only offering co-ed or couples groups at this time, there are still ways to help these men feel supported and connected. By placing them in a similar life-stage group, there’s a healthy support system for the season they’re currently walking in with the men of that group, who may share similar tiredness or struggles as young dads, husbands, etc.
We have a cultural moment with these men who are walking through the doors of our local churches. As I note in The Man You’re Meant to Be, they could be looking elsewhere for the wisdom they seek and guidance for how to live as men, but they’re sitting in our pews ready to hear what that means biblically.
They’re looking for our Good Shepherd to meet them in the messes of life and culture. Let’s do our part as pastors to foster opportunities at our churches, intentionally designed for men, to lead them beside still waters to rest in Him so they can learn to reflect who He made them to be in this world.
EDITOR’S NOTE — This story was written by John Simons and originally published by the Baptist Courier.
