I’m a mom and a wife (a pastor’s wife at that). But I’m also a women’s ministry leader, Bible teacher and writer. Luke 14:26 tells me that following Jesus requires me to forsake my family. However, Titus 2:4–5, tells me I’m to learn to love my husband and children and to work at home. So, do these contradict?
The short answer: No.
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Scripture is inerrant, infallible and authoritative, so it would never contradict itself. But with all these hats I wear, I can struggle with this tension of motherhood and ministry. So, let’s chat about it…
Essentially, what Jesus is saying in Luke is that my love for Him should surpass all my other loves, including my love for my family. The love in Titus 2 for my husband, children and home is to be an overflow of my love for Jesus.
I wrestle with this, though. Does this mean I commit to every outside ministry opportunity, leaving behind my family in the name of loving Jesus? Or am I to say, “No” to them, in the name of loving my family?
Is there a formula?
As much as I’d love a formula to help make these decisions, there isn’t one. Instead, the practical answers for each situation come by daily time in God’s Word, prayer, leadership from my husband, and the wise counsel of people who know us in real life. One particular week, I said “Yes” to several outside ministry opportunities.
The Lord recently showed me some ways I can live out these callings so they’re not at odds with one another:
Plan well to be present. Having a heart for my home seems to revolve around food, and one way I can love my family well is to plan for meals. If possible, I try to make time to eat dinner with my family before I leave to speak with women. We’re huge believers in the importance of the family dinner table, so as much as possible, we aim to be present. This may mean flexibility and adjusting schedules so the five of us can be together — but it’s a worthy effort for our entire family.
Plan well if I can’t be present. If I can’t be there for dinner, I ask my husband what food he’d like to have at home for him and the kids (chicken nuggets for the win!). My husband is incredible in supporting me and serving our family. He handles a lot, so generally, I’m the grocery list maker, meal planner and grocery shopper. Providing an easy meal for him and the kids is a simple way I can serve him while also serving other women.
Manage my time well. A lot of time and effort go into planning and prepping to teach women God’s Word. Sometimes, I need to do this with my family around, and that’s okay. However, I ask God to help me be a good steward of the time He’s given me. Sometimes, this means prepping Bible study lessons instead of a nap or Netflix binge. Other times, it’s thinking through which tasks are more manageable with them at home versus which aren’t. For example, studying to teach the Bible is possible while they’re home, but not always easy. It’s better if I do that while I’m solo, and put things like cleaning, laundry and cooking on the to-do list for when they’re home.
Tell the kids what I’m doing. When I work on “ministry” things around my kids, I try to be intentional in telling them what I’m doing. Honestly, “try” is the keyword here, because I’m a work in progress. But what I want them to realize is that my being on my phone/computer is purposeful. I also often ask them to pray for me, “Mommy is studying to teach women God’s Word. Will you pray for me?” Their responses are varied, but the hope is that I’m modeling for them what it looks like to serve the Lord and the importance of prayer.
Bring kids along (when you can). My husband and I are huge believers in bringing our children along in the ministry the Lord has called us to when possible. Obviously, this will vary based on children, their ages, and the ministry opportunity. But if we’re stacking chairs at church, kids can do that. If I’m attending a women’s breakfast with our church family, Faith can come.
I love serving my husband, my children and the women the Lord puts in my path. I believe cooking my family dinner is just as valuable in the Lord’s eyes as teaching 300-plus women the truths of Romans 8. It’s good for my children to see me joyfully serve them and our home, but also, it’s good for them to see me use the gifts the Lord has given me outside our home.
We love our children, husband, home and those we disciple best when we love Jesus most. As we do that, He’ll give us wisdom with our yesses and nos, and equip us to be faithful unto Him in the various ways He’s called us to serve.
It’s not motherhood OR ministry, but seeking to serve the Lord faithfully in both.
EDITOR’S NOTE — This article was written by Cassie Patillo and originally published by South Carolina’s The Baptist Courier. Patillo is a pastor’s wife and mother to three kids living in Chesnee, South Carolina. She served in student ministry for over a decade and now serves as a women’s ministry catalyst, Bible teacher, and writer.
