Something has gone wrong with the picture of manhood in our culture.
On one side, there is a version of masculinity that measures a man by his toughness, his conquests and his refusal to show weakness. On the other hand, there is an apologetic passivity that has little to offer a young man searching for a worthy vision of what he ought to become. Neither of these pictures is adequate, and neither finds any support in the pages of Scripture.
The Bible presents a far greater vision. It calls young men to a strength shaped by discipline, a love defined by sacrifice, and a life centered on reverence for God. This vision of character is neither weak nor harsh; it is the character of Jesus Christ, the most fully human person who ever lived, who invites his followers to become like him.
This paper is intended for young men seeking something deeper than what culture provides. It is not a self-improvement guide. True character cannot be produced by sheer willpower; it is the fruit of the Holy Spirit working in a life turned toward God. The following pages explore nine qualities of godly character revealed in Scripture, each rooted in God’s nature and his work for us in Jesus Christ.
1. Love: The root of everything
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39, ESV)
Every quality described in this study flows from love. Love is not a passing feeling; it is a deliberate commitment of the will to seek the good of another. When Jesus commands us to love God with all our heart, he is calling for a complete reordering of our inner life around God rather than ourselves. This is one of the most countercultural choices a young man can make.
Loving your neighbor as yourself is just as challenging. It means that your first question in any situation is not “what do I get out of this?” but “what does this person need, and how can I help?” A young man of godly character is learning, day by day, to put others before himself. He is able to do this because he has first been loved by God with an everlasting love, and that love is gradually transforming him from the inside out.
The apostle Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13 with qualities that are almost entirely relational and practical: patient, kind, not envious, not proud, not self-seeking, slow to anger, quick to forgive. Read that list and ask yourself honestly where you stand. Then ask God to grow you in the places where you are weakest.
2. Self-sacrifice: The strength of a servant
“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45, ESV)
Jesus did not go to the cross out of reluctance. He offered himself willingly, purposefully, and out of love. Self-sacrifice is not a sign of weakness; it is the highest form of strength because it demands self-mastery. Only a man who has learned to govern his own desires can truly give them up for the benefit of others.
For a young man, self-sacrifice is found in the small, everyday choices made consistently. It is staying up late to support a friend in need when rest would be easier. It is setting aside personal plans to serve your family. It is about using your resources to bless others rather than accumulating possessions. It is choosing the more difficult path when the easy one serves only your own comfort.
A self-sacrificial man is not passive or without conviction. He knows his identity and his beliefs, and from that place of security, he chooses to lay down his rights for the sake of others. He can do this because Jesus first gave His life for him, and that act of love has transformed the way he understands himself and those around him.
3. Diligence: Working as unto the Lord
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24, ESV)
Laziness is a spiritual problem before it is a practical one. The book of Proverbs has sharp words for the sluggard, the man who always intends to get to his work tomorrow and never quite manages it. Diligence, by contrast, is the willingness to give full effort to whatever God has placed before you, whether anyone is watching or not.
Godly diligence is not the same as workaholism. A man can be diligent in his work and still honor the Lord’s Day, spend meaningful time with his family, and find renewal in the simple blessings of life. Diligence rejects halfhearted effort, sloppy work, and doing just enough to get by. When a young man puts his whole heart into his responsibilities, whether in school, in a trade, or in ministry, he is building character that will benefit both himself and those who rely on him for years to come.
The motivation the apostle Paul gives makes all the difference. We do not work hard to impress others or build a reputation. Instead, we labor diligently because, in every task, we ultimately serve the Lord Jesus Christ. That calling gives dignity to any honest work.
4. Self-Discipline: Mastering yourself
“Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:25-27, ESV)
The culture tells young men a lie: that freedom is doing whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it. The Bible gives a different perspective. True freedom is the ability to do what you ought, not just what you want. A man without self-discipline is not truly free; he is a slave to his appetites, and those appetites are harsh masters.
Self-discipline touches every part of a man’s life: his eating and sleeping, his sexual purity, his use of time, his management of money, his speech, and his temper. None of these areas takes care of itself. They require intentional effort, which is often difficult but always worthwhile.
The apostle Paul used the example of an athlete in training. An athlete does not eat whatever he wants, stay up as late as he likes, or skip workouts because he does not feel like going. He follows a regimen because he is striving for something valuable. In the same way, a young man who is striving for godliness will apply this discipline to every area of life. He will say no to many things that are allowed because he is reaching for something excellent.
5. Order: A life arranged for purpose
“But all things should be done decently and in order.” (1 Corinthians 14:40, ESV)
Order is not simply a personality trait; it is a virtue. God is a God of order, not confusion, and a life formed in his image will naturally reflect that order in practical ways. When a young man lives in constant disorder, cannot find what he needs, is always late, and never finishes what he starts, he is communicating his values and how much he respects those around him.
Order begins with small things. It starts with making your bed, keeping your commitments, and managing your schedule so you are prepared for the day’s demands. These may seem like insignificant details, but they are not. They are daily habits of stewardship over what God has entrusted to you.
An ordered life also leaves space for the unexpected. A man who manages his regular responsibilities well has the capacity to help others when the need arises. In contrast, disorder keeps a man constantly reacting and scrambling to address problems that could have been avoided.
6. Timeliness: Honoring others with your time
“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16, ESV)
Chronic lateness is a form of disrespect, even when it is unintentional. When you are late, you communicate to the person waiting that your time is more important than theirs. A young man of godly character takes this to heart, understanding that being on time is a way of honoring the people God has placed in his life.
The biblical perspective on time is marked by urgency. We do not have an endless supply of days, and the time we have does not belong to us. Each day is a gift from God, intended for purposes greater than our own comfort. Redeeming the time means bringing order and purpose to how you use each hour, so that you become someone who can be trusted to be where you said you would be, when you said you would be there.
Timeliness also depends on planning ahead. A man who is frequently late is often someone who has not prepared well. He has not considered traffic, preparation, or the reality that most things take longer than expected. Creating margin in your schedule is not an extra; it is a fundamental part of stewarding the time God has given you.
7. Courtesy: The grace of manner
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:6, ESV)
Courtesy is love in everyday action. It is found in the small, steady acts of thoughtfulness that make living together pleasant and humane. A young man who is courteous holds doors for others, listens without interrupting, speaks kindly to those who cannot offer him anything in return, and moves through life with quiet attentiveness to the people around him. These gestures are not insignificant. They are daily demonstrations of the second great commandment.
Courtesy also shapes the way a man speaks. The Book of Proverbs is full of wisdom about the tongue, always reminding us that words have great power. A man who learns to speak with grace and care brings blessing wherever he goes. This means avoiding cutting remarks, steering clear of casual cruelty passed off as humor, and refusing to let anger shape words that cannot be taken back.
In a time when bluntness is celebrated and rudeness is mistaken for authenticity, a courteous young man stands apart. He is not weak or excessively deferential; instead, he has the confidence and character to treat everyone with dignity, regardless of what is accepted in his culture.
8. Devotion: The discipline of the inner life
“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:6, ESV)
Everything else in this study rests on this foundation. A man’s outward character grows from his inward life, and if his inner life is neglected, he will eventually become empty. In the biblical sense, devotion is the regular, disciplined practice of meeting with God in prayer and Scripture. It is not a performance for others. It is the quiet, sustaining work of a soul that recognizes its need for God’s strength and grace.
Young men sometimes resist the idea of a daily quiet time because it can feel routine or because they do not always feelstrong emotions when they pray. But devotion is not about chasing feelings. It is about returning, day after day, to the source of all wisdom and grace. It means bringing your true self, with all your struggles and questions, before the God who listens and responds.
A devoted young man reads his Bible, not to fulfill a duty, but to hear God’s voice. He prays, not to be seen, but to connect with his Creator. He worships, not simply out of obligation, but because he has discovered that God is worthy of his whole heart. This kind of devotion is not accidental. It must be intentionally built and carefully guarded, and it will richly reward every effort made to sustain it.
9. Worship: Living before the face of God
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” (Romans 12:1, ESV)
Worship is not limited to what happens on Sunday morning. The apostle Paul teaches that true worship is offering your whole life to God: your body, your work, your relationships, and your ambitions, placing all of it before him as a living sacrifice. When a young man understands this, every part of his life takes on new meaning. His work becomes worship. His integrity is an act of worship. His love for his neighbor and his quiet obedience in unseen moments are also worship.
This understanding does not lessen the importance of gathering with the church for worship. Coming together on the Lord’s Day to hear God’s Word, sing his praise, receive the sacraments, and pray with fellow believers is essential. It is the steady nourishment of the soul, and a man who neglects it will eventually suffer in his character and faith, sometimes without realizing the harm until much later.
Corporate worship and personal worship are not in competition. They strengthen one another. The man who spends his week living consciously before God in all his daily responsibilities comes to Sunday worship with a genuine hunger. At the same time, the man who is refreshed by the Word and sacraments on Sunday is better prepared to live his everyday life as an offering to God.
A final word: Where does character come from?
Everything described in this paper is a work of grace. No young man will read these pages and simply decide to become loving, self-disciplined, diligent, and devoted. The will is not that strong, and the old habits of the heart are not so easily broken. What we need is not a better plan for self improvement. We need a new heart, and that is exactly what God promises to those who come to him through Jesus Christ.
“I will give you a new heart,” God says through the prophet Ezekiel, “and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes” (Ezekiel 36:26-27, ESV). The godly character described in this study is not a precondition for coming to God. It is the fruit of having come to him.
If you have never turned to Jesus Christ in repentance and faith, this journey begins there. Not with a resolution to do better, but with an honest acknowledgment that you cannot do it on your own and a turning to the one who can remake you from the inside out. If you have already made that turn, the invitation is to keep walking, to keep returning to God in His Word and prayer, and to keep offering your ordinary days to Him as acts of worship. He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion (Philippians 1:6, ESV).
That is a promise worth building a life on.
EDITOR’S NOTE — This story was written by Reed S. Rusniak. Rusniak is a retired pastor and theological writer with a master of biblical studies from Reformed Theological Seminary and has been a member of Grace Baptist Church in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, for over 36 years.
